monday 9th september - helloo ooo ???

i had a blood test this morning. i fainted in front of the nurse. i woke up to two of them looking down at me. i cried. i kept asking 'who are you???? where am i????' and then i thought a little bit. and then i apologised a bunch. i still feel bad, i still feel embarrassed. it's a little funny.

also, i gave myself a really bad haircut yesterday. really really bad. i look really really bad. i don't hate myself for it, i find it kind of funny. i find a lot of stuff funny now. that's a good thing, not some like fucked up oh-i'm-so-psycho-manipulative-thing that i've seen pop up a lot online lately. that's not cool, that's not funny, i don't think, or maybe it just wouldnt look as cool on me. i can act high and mighty, and think that as part of overcoming self pity, you can accept to laugh at yourself. i look kind of like an acorn.

i have long covid. i can't do anything and i can't make anything happen.

it's getting warmer. not that i would know. whatever is going on with my body persists cold flashes onto me whenever it can. i can't enjoy the warm. i can't warm myself up. i'm cold in my own skin. is my skin cold? "is my skin cold..." no, your skin isnt cold, you're fucking stupid. but it's getting warmer. it's officially spring in my part of the world. soon it will be summer, soon it will be christmas. if you do one thing in your life, if you haven't already, experience a summer christmas. i'm not the biggest fan of summer, but it's summer! i'm going to enjoy myself some way or another. i hope i get to go swimming in the sea. i want to spend all of my money at markets. i want to eat funny shaped oranges and wear jingly bracelets and cut my hair worse than ive cut it now.

i'm gonna make an art page here soon. so... look for that.



conversation is so dry. im such a bumbling asshole. lol.

stacys mom has gotttt it going on